Life on medication

Living on medication.

Right at this moment I am feeling pretty sick. I feel like I have felt when I am trying to ween myself off of antidepressants. I feel nauseous, dizzy and I can't stop sweating although it is not hot.

I have spent most of my adult life on medication mostly antidepressants, but I have taken various mood stabilisers, anti-psychotics and stuff for panic attacks as well.

Most of the medication I have taken and am currently taking have pretty shitty side effects.

I am not really sure why I am feeling like I am having antidepressant withdrawals, well I do, I missed my meds on Saturday night, but usually I have to miss it a few days before the withdrawal kicks in. I have been having mild symptoms for a couple of weeks now and so I am wondering whether it might be time to come off of one of them.

I take two different types of antidepressants, as well as lithium, and I was supposed to ween
myself off of the Avanza but I got down to 15mg and my mood started to slip so I had to re-increase it back up to 30mg, which is still pretty good considering I was taking 90mg and the
recommended maximum dose should be 60mg.

But they all suck.

I've gained heaps of weight, mainly due to the meds and I can't loose it even if I am on a
diet. I wen't on Weight Watchers for over 12 weeks and only lost a couple of kilos. One of my
doctors told me that one of the medications I am on actually doubles the size of the fat cells
in the body.

They affect my energy levels as well. I feel tired and lethargic most of the time, which makes
it hard to do things including exercise and that doesn't help with the weight issue.

My concentration has been affected I can't read books like I used to, which is a huge loss for
me because I love literature.

And now I feel dizzy and nauseous.

I hate taking the medication but I know I have to. Life off medication is much worse than life
on it. I would rather be chubby and happy that thin and want to kill myself. And as terrible
of a thing that is to say that is my reality, those are my alternatives.

People say to me, "there must be a natural way? Those chemicals can't be good for you" and I
have tried the natural way and the natural way leads to hospitalisation and ECT ( electro
convulsive therapy) and I don't want to end up there again if I can avoid it.

It frustrates me that the people around me don't understand that the medication has these side
effects and can leave me feeling pretty flat at times. And it is even more frustrating when
people think that it mind over matter and that if I can't make myself well with the power of
my mind then it is just because I am weak.

Let's think about that idea for a moment ... Tell a depressed person that they are weak
because they can't think themselves out of being depressed ... It is ridiculous and it makes
me angry. When a person is depressed they already think they are the most worthless piece of
shit that ever walked the earth, so telling them they must be weak for not being able to think
themselves well is just adding to their problems.

So I have prepared myself for a lifetime on medication and some days that does get me down but
not as down as I would get without the

In life we all must make sacrifices, none of us can go through life never having to give
anything up or making unpleasant choices and taking medication is one of my unpleasant choices
and I have to live with the sacrifices ...

Excessive weight gain ...

Lethargy ...

Reduced concentration ...

Dizziness ...

Sweats ...

Nausea ...

But the reality is I have Bipolar 2 and there is no cure for it, I will have it for the rest
of my life.  Because of these facts I have limited options and taking medication is the best
option for me because I want to live a happy life. And the truth of the matter is a medicated
life means a happy life and a non-medicated life means no life. Because without medication I
don't know if I would be alive.